On several occasions, I have been stopped in the street, and asked to show my hairs progress (which means, of course, that I have to remove my scarf ;).
I know that many women have considered letting their natural color grow in, well, at least for a moment or two.
After all, it took me years to come to this point.
Perhaps I can be a beacon to some?
I would like to share a couple of my journal thoughts over the past couple of weeks:
Tuesday, May 18th
Today, I am not feeling pretty; I look in the mirror and see blah, blah I tell you. I have a serious case of the 'skunk look' going on.
Can I really make it through this? Perhaps I should schedule an appointment with my hairdresser to color it one last time, a shade that will help me through the transition at the very least? One more batch of toxic hair dye wont kill me will it? Nah. But, for some reason, I still want to tough it out. But, the phone is right there...maybe tomorrow. For now, I will rustle through my scarf drawer again to find the perfect match for the day.
Monday, May 24th
This morning as I was preparing for the day, I found myself just wearing any old thing. Sweats, a tee shirt - a combination I would not have normally worn, unless I was going nowhere and was seeing no one.
Hey, there are thosedays.
I tried a scarf around my head andtied my (GREY) hair back into a pony tail. Blech. I notice that I have not 'done' my hair all week, opting instead to hide it. I almost did not wear any jewelry. (WHAT, you say? Lisa, with NO jewelry?) I looked one last time and realized I needed to make a change. I needed a boost.
But first, on a side note, let me clarify something: I believe that it is important to be able to go out of the house in sweats, a tee shirt and no makeup, and hair in a ponytail. What is important is how you feel inside. But today, I did not feel so good inside. So really, no matter what I put on, it would not have mattered. So, I added a bit of jewelry, adjusted my scarf and greeted my homeschool friends as they arrived for the day. As we were preparing for the days activity, I had a good talk with Karen, one of my dear mom friends. I shared with her my feelings and thoughts, and began to feel a bit better; a bit lighter of heart. You know, us women need to talk things out, don't we?
Transitioning? No scarf today. In fact, I have not worn one, nor a hat for several days.
I have been styling my hair.
I feel pretty good!
As I look deeper at my feelings around this process, here is what I notice: I notice that I question what each person will think as I see them for the first time, since my new hair (or old?) do.
What will they think? Will they think I am letting myself go? Will they think life is hard for me so I don't have time to care for myself.
I want to tell everyone about my conscious decision.
And then, I ask myself: "So, why do I care?"
I don't know the answer to that one yet... more processing needed. Old programming? Societal pressure?
Another question I ponder is this: Why did my hair get so grey in the first place? Is there a ruling on this? Does dirty blonde hair (my natural color from yester-years) go grey faster? I have a lovely friend, Alison, who is very blonde, I was sure she colored her hair. Nope. Natural. And no grey! I have two other friends with full heads of gorgeous dark hair. Grey? Nope. Well, admittedly Karen plucks her few grey strands (I would be bald) and Vida longingly wants to color her hair and is looking forward to the grey so she can! Humph. Or... maybe, it is a health issue? Is greying hair a side effect of a lack of a particular nutrient? (It is a theory I have heard about, but not done much research on yet).
And lastly I ask myself: So, just why am I doing this? Am I just lazy and don't want to do the work involved in coloring my hair and keeping myself hip and youthful? Am I going frumpy? Am I trying to emotionally abuse myself for some reason? Really, I ask myself this!
And then I come back to... Oh yea, it is the toxins. AND, and...being me. Being comfortable with me. That is just huge. For me. Did you miss the first post in the "Toxins in a Box" series?Find ithere.