What I Did Right, What I'd Do Differently, and What I've Learned About Aging

People often ask me what I do to look and feel the way I do at 65.

It's a fair question, but I've always found it difficult to answer because there isn't one thing I can point to.

I've taken care of my skin for decades. I've generally been mindful about my health. I've stayed active, although what "active" looked like has changed quite a bit over the years.

Some things I did because I knew they were good for me. Some I probably got right by accident. And there are absolutely things I wish I'd understood 20 or 30 years earlier.

Mostly, I kept learning.

And I'm still learning.

When I look back now, with the benefit of knowing what I know at 65, here's what I think I got right and what I would do differently.

HEALTH, WEIGHT & HORMONES

I maintained a generally healthy body weight for most of my adult life, and I think that probably served me well.

That doesn't mean it was always easy.

In my 40s, weight started creeping on and I couldn't figure out why. I was vegetarian. I ate plenty of fruits and vegetables. I considered myself a healthy eater.

So what was going on?

At the time, I didn't understand nearly as much as I do now about what happens to our bodies as we get older, particularly around menopause. Hormones were changing. My body composition was changing. I wasn't thinking about muscle or how important maintaining it would become.

And menopause certainly wasn't being discussed the way it is now.

When I went through it, the message I remember was basically: this is natural, this is normal, get on with it.

So I did.

I kept looking at what I was eating and how much I was exercising and wondering why the things that had worked before weren't working quite the same way anymore.

That experience eventually sent me looking for answers. I started learning much more about food, muscle, exercise, hormones and how all of those things change as we age.

I wish I'd understood the hormone piece sooner too.

For years, I assumed many of the changes I was experiencing were simply part of getting older and something I had to accept.

I don't look at it that way anymore.

I started HRT in my 60s, and for me, it's been a very positive decision. I've noticed improvements in my sleep, workouts and recovery, and I'm glad it's part of how I'm taking care of myself now.

I also know HRT is a very individual decision. What I wish I'd had earlier wasn't someone telling me what to do. I wish I'd had better information about my options.

I would have asked more questions.

 

SKIN

Skin is one area where I give my younger self quite a bit of credit.

I've always cared about it.

Long before social media, beauty influencers and the endless stream of new skincare launches, I was wearing sunscreen and taking care of my skin.

I'm very glad I did.

Would I change anything?

Absolutely.

I would have started retinoids earlier. I would have learned about collagen loss sooner, and I would have been more proactive before I could actually see those changes happening in my face.

Some of what I use today simply wasn't available to me decades ago. If I'd had access to red light therapy or an at-home laser like my NIRA, knowing myself, I would have been interested.

I've never been someone who thinks skincare science stopped with whatever we knew 20 years ago. I want the things that have stood the test of time, but I'm also interested when newer technology has good research behind it.

Looking at my skin now, I couldn't tell you which one thing deserves the credit.

And I don't think there is one.

It's sunscreen I've worn for years. Tretinoin. Vitamin C. Moisturizing. Not being overly aggressive with my skin. Devices. Professional treatments. Nutrition. Hydration. Sleep.

Some of those I've done for decades. Others came later.

That's really how I think about my skin now. I keep what works, add something when I think the evidence makes sense, and don't expect one product to do everything.

MUSCLE

This is probably the area where I'd have the most to say to my younger self.

I lifted weights in my 20s, but I wasn't thinking about preserving muscle for my 60s.

Why would I have been?

I wasn't thinking about bone density or whether I'd be able to get off the floor easily when I was older. I wasn't thinking about balance, independence or longevity.

I was a young woman working out.

When I became serious about exercise again in my 50s, my reasons still weren't particularly complicated. I wanted to look better, feel more confident and get back in shape.

I knew I needed to do something. I just didn't really know what that something should be.

So I hired a trainer.

My selection process wasn't terribly scientific. I liked her, she was close to my house, and having an appointment meant I showed up.

And you know what? That was enough to get me started.

What came later was understanding just how important the muscle itself was.

Today, I care about how muscle looks. Of course I do. I like seeing muscle on my body.

But now I also think about what that muscle allows me to do.

I want to be strong. I want strong bones. I want to maintain my balance and independence. I want to be able to travel, carry things, get myself off the floor and keep doing the things I enjoy for as long as possible.

Had I understood all of that earlier, I would have taken building and maintaining muscle much more seriously much sooner.

NUTRITION

I also would have learned how to eat for muscle sooner.

For years, I would have told you I ate a healthy diet.

And I did.

I wasn't living on fast food and soda. I was vegetarian, ate plenty of produce and generally made thoughtful choices about food.

What I wasn't doing was eating with muscle in mind.

Protein was the biggest gap.

I didn't understand how much I needed, particularly once I started strength training seriously. I also didn't understand how protein, carbohydrates, total calories, training and recovery all worked together.

You can eat a very "healthy" diet and still not be giving your body what it needs to build muscle.

That took me much longer to understand than I wish it had.

TRACKING

I would have started tracking sooner too.

I know tracking isn't for everyone. For me, it changed a lot.

Before I tracked, I was mostly relying on what I thought I was eating and how I felt my workouts were going.

Once I started recording things, I had something concrete to work with.

Was I actually eating enough protein?

Was I getting stronger?

Was I lifting more than I was three months ago?

Was what I thought I was eating remotely close to what I was actually eating?

Sometimes the answer surprised me.

I still track now because I genuinely like having the information. I like being able to look back and see that a weight that feels difficult today was impossible for me six months ago. I like knowing roughly how much protein I'm eating instead of assuming I'm getting enough.

And when something isn't working, I have somewhere to start looking.

For me, tracking doesn't feel restrictive. It gives me information I can actually use.

I find that incredibly empowering.

STRENGTH TRAINING

There's also a difference between lifting weights and training with the intention of getting stronger.

I didn't understand that for a long time.

I thought if I picked up weights and completed the workout, I had done what I needed to do.

And that wasn't useless. I was moving my body and challenging my muscles to some degree.

But eventually I learned about progressive overload.

The basic idea is almost ridiculously simple: over time, your muscles need to be asked to do more.

Maybe that's more weight. Maybe it's another rep. Maybe it's better control or a harder variation.

What matters is that there's progression.

I spent years trying to piece together how often to train, how many sets to do, what rep ranges made sense, how hard I should work and how to know whether I was actually getting stronger.

I learned from books, podcasts, YouTube, trainers, experts and a lot of trial and error.

Some of it was useful.

Some of it confused the hell out of me.

I wish someone had explained the basic principle earlier: if I want my body to keep muscle, I need to keep giving it a reason to.

That would have saved me a lot of time.

WHAT I KNOW NOW

The older I've gotten, the less I see aging as something I'm simply supposed to stand back and watch happen.

Obviously, I can't control all of it. Genetics exist. Bodies change. Life happens.

But I've also learned how much I can influence.

I can strength train.

I can eat enough protein.

I can protect my skin.

I can pay attention to my health.

I can learn when new information becomes available and change what I'm doing when it makes sense.

None of those choices guarantees anything.

But I'd rather participate in how I age than assume every change is inevitable and there's nothing I can do about it.

At 65, I certainly don't think I've figured everything out.

If anything, one of the benefits of getting older has been realizing how much there still is to learn.

But if I could sit down with my younger self now, I'd have quite a bit to tell her.

I'd tell her she got some important things right.

I'd tell her to start a few things much sooner.

And I'd probably tell her she didn't need to worry quite so much about some of the things she thought mattered at the time.

NEXT TIME

This was the look back.

Next, I want to share what this actually looks like in my life now, the things I do at 65 to support how I want to age.

Not an ideal routine.

Not everything a woman "should" be doing.

Just what I'm doing now, what has stuck, and what I think is worth my time.

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